Mar 2011 04

Actually, this video is about how to talk with your spouse about settlement.

If you’ve been reading Making Divorce Work, your spouse isn’t your enemy anymore (or maybe he or she never was). At least I hope not.

But talking about everything that means anything to you: your marriage, your future, your kids, your money, your house–can be really difficult.

Here’s a video on how to get prepared to have your most productive (and positive) discussion ever.

Here’s a sample of positions that can be articulated in terms of the underlying goal (interest):

Position
“I want Wednesday night overnights.”

Interest
I want to be involved in parenting my child during school time as well as vacation time. I don’t want to be stuck being a “Disneyland parent.”

Position
“I don’t want to pay spousal support.”

Interest
I want to be financially secure, and to be able to retire when I’m ready.

Position
“You have to pay my college tuition.”

Interest
I want to be able to support myself.

Position
“That 401(k) is mine, and I’m not dividing it.”

Interest
I want recognition for being the saver in the family, and I don’t want to feel punished for trying to do the right thing.

Position
“My business is mine, not yours.”

Interest
I’ve poured my heart and soul into getting the business off the ground, and I don’t want anything to jeopardize what I’ve built.

As you can see, for example, each of these the goals might be solved in several different ways. There’s never just one solution.

For more information about negotiating your divorce settlement, visit our web site at Making Divorce Work.

More resources:

Click Here: Getting Ready!

Diana Mercer is the co-author of Making Divorce Work: 8 Essential Keys to Resolving Conflict and Rebuilding Your Life (Perigee 2010). Join the conversation and community on our video blog and check out Diana’s divorce blog on the Huffington Post

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