Mar 2011 03

You don’t have to spend years studying negotiation like mediators do (shhhhh, don’t tell anyone!).

There are some simple, and easy to implement tips for negotiating that you can use right away.

Seriously. It’s easier than you think. I think it’ll make more sense once you see the video.

Diana Mercer is the co-author of Making Divorce Work: 8 Essential Keys to Resolving Conflict and Rebuilding Your Life (Perigee 2010)

Negotiating isn’t about getting the biggest slice of the pie—it’s about learning to make the pie bigger. Here’s how you get started.

During a divorce, many people become very position-based, talking about settlement in absolute terms, such as “I want 100 percent of the 401(k).” They lose sight of their true goal, which is to be financially secure.

It’s important to always look for options. When you expand the position from “I want 100 percent of the 401(k)” to “I want to be able to retire like I’ve planned to and not worry about money,” there may be several ways to secure those retirement goals, and they may or may not have to do with the 401(k).

Many people think that divorce negotiations are all about compromise. This is only partly true. A win-win settlement occurs when both spouses accomplish their most important goals with the fewest compromises, and give way on their less important goals. That is why it is so important for each person to set priorities, so you make sure the most important goals are accomplished.

As you can see, for example, each of these the goals might be solved in several different ways. There’s never just one solution .

For more information about negotiating your divorce settlement, visit our web site at Making Divorce Work.

Diana Mercer is the co-author of Making Divorce Work: 8 Essential Keys to Resolving Conflict and Rebuilding Your Life (Perigee 2010). Join the conversation and community on our video blog and check out Diana’s divorce blog on the Huffington Post

Leave a Comment