Mar 2011 03

You don’t have to spend years studying negotiation like mediators do (shhhhh, don’t tell anyone!).

There are some simple, and easy to implement tips for negotiating that you can use right away.

Seriously. It’s easier than you think. I think it’ll make more sense once you see the video.

Diana Mercer is the co-author of Making Divorce Work: 8 Essential Keys to Resolving Conflict and Rebuilding Your Life (Perigee 2010)

Negotiating isn’t about getting the biggest slice of the pie—it’s about learning to make the pie bigger. Here’s how you get started.

During a divorce, many people become very position-based, talking about settlement in absolute terms, such as “I want 100 percent of the 401(k).” They lose sight of their true goal, which is to be financially secure.

It’s important to always look for options. When you expand the position from “I want 100 percent of the 401(k)” to “I want to be able to retire like I’ve planned to and not worry about money,” there may be several ways to secure those retirement goals, and they may or may not have to do with the 401(k).

Many people think that divorce negotiations are all about compromise. This is only partly true. A win-win settlement occurs when both spouses accomplish their most important goals with the fewest compromises, and give way on their less important goals. That is why it is so important for each person to set priorities, so you make sure the most important goals are accomplished.

As you can see, for example, each of these the goals might be solved in several different ways. There’s never just one solution .

For more information about negotiating your divorce settlement, visit our web site at Making Divorce Work.

Diana Mercer is the co-author of Making Divorce Work: 8 Essential Keys to Resolving Conflict and Rebuilding Your Life (Perigee 2010). Join the conversation and community on our video blog and check out Diana’s divorce blog on the Huffington Post

Feb 2011 24

Divorce litigation attorneys will do anything to keep clients out of mediation, or so it seems.

Feb 2011 21

There is no issue that’s too big or too complicated to be settled in mediation.

Diana Mercer recalls some cases with some pretty complicated issues, including heroin (without identifying details and without compromising confidentiality, of course).

Want to find out how?

Feb 2011 15

It’s natural to be worried that your spouse might not be truthful in mediation.

This is another issue which mediators are trained to deal with. They’re trained to see if claims pass the smell test.

And if the mediator isn’t catching on, say something! Either say it in joint session or ask to speak to the mediator privately. Don’t be afraid to bring it up! Seriously!

And if you don’t trust the mediator with this information or you don’t think he or she can handle it, maybe it’s time to shop around for a new mediator……..

Feb 2011 12

Not everyone is familiar with the mediation process. And after a stressful period of time as your marriage falls apart, and trust is probably as low as it ever has been or will be, some callers are concerned that their rights won’t be protected in mediation and that the mediators will let their spouse bulldoze or bamboozle them.

It’s the mediator’s job to make sure that doesn’t happen. Mediator training specifically addresses how to deal with this sort of situation. So try not to worry!

Guest blogger Linda Duarte explains…….

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